


insecure

by donghyvk



Series: crybaby prompts [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, as usual, boo is a mamas boy, insecure boo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-08-08 07:51:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7749394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donghyvk/pseuds/donghyvk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sometimes the hate comments get to seungkwan, but hansol's there to pick up the pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	insecure

seungkwan knew he wasn’t the most visual member in seventeen, jeonghan was much prettier, as well as mingyu. seungkwan would rank himself low on the visual scale, even if he joked about being a visual member and as pretty as the others. but that was all a front for the fans, seungkwan was nothing like this in reality. but he didn’t think he was ugly or anything, he’d even consider himself quite handsome after he’d lost weight. 

he’d always been told to stay away from the youtube comments, and comments in general. but he was never one to follow those rules. following the release of the very nice music video, he decided to see what his fans were saying about it. about him more specifically.

“seungkwan didn’t turn out very well did he?”  
“they say seungkwan’s lost weight, but i don’t see it….”  
“it’s a shame seungkwan’s such a good vocal, but the visual hole in seventeen.”  
“compared to some of the other members, seungkwan doesn’t even look like an idol.”  
“if you put seungkwan next to jun or jeonghan he’d look like another ugly citizen, not a member of the group.”  
“seungkwan’s a great vocalist and he’s quite funny, but his visuals ruin everything. he’s ruining seventeen with his potato face.”

seungkwan was shocked by these comments, he didn’t think people hated him this much. he knew he wasn’t the best visual, but he didn’t think he had a fucking potato face. he should’ve exited out of the comments, but he kept going.

“now i can say im prettier than an idol!!!”  
“if seungkwan can look like that and be an idol, then so can i!”  
“it’s really such a shame he looks like that… seventeen can’t be monster rookies with a member that tragic looking.”  
“maybe if he only sang behind a curtain, but didn’t appear in music videos or on music shows, then i’d be able to like seventeen.”

seungkwan couldn’t help the tears that began to form in his eyes, he knew he shouldn’t be reading comments. especially when they were like this, he knew this was the reason they were all stopped from reading their comments, but he did it anyway. he just couldn’t understand why everyone hated him so much, no one would hate on seokmin as much as they did with him. seokmin was tied last for visuals, in seungkwan’s opinion. 

he couldn’t wrap his head around the idea that people thought he brought seventeen down, he’d always been told he was a valuable member of seventeen. he really did think he was, that was until this moment. in this moment he felt anything but valuable. he believed he dragged the others down, the commenters were right. 

he tried to tell himself it wasn’t true, he didn’t want to be having thoughts like this. none of the other members experienced it as bad as him, and no one else got this affected. seungkwan was so caught up in his thoughts he hadn’t noticed himself break into a full on cry, his hands shaking as he scrolled through the comments. 

exiting out of youtube he opened his phone contacts, dialling the one person he knew would comfort him; his mum. of course, the one time he needed her more than any other time, she did not pick up. seungkwan’s sobs got louder, and he was terrified someone would hear him and know what had happened. he didn’t want anyone to know how upset the comments had made him, he felt weak. 

he couldn’t help himself, he was freaking out and he couldn’t control it. he hated feeling like this, he’d never felt like this before. he was shaking badly, dropping his phone in favor of wrapping his arms tightly around his knees. he wasn’t like this normally, he normally was stronger. he was so embarrassed about how he was acting, he should be stronger. if anyone saw him they would judge him, they’d think of him differently. they already thought he was a crybaby, he cried about everything. but they didn’t know him to cry about things as stupid as this, he felt idiotic. 

“boo, are you okay?” seungkwan recognised the voice as hansol, he let out a loud sob. “don’t come in, hansollie.” he replied, voice cracking as he did so.

hansol didn’t listen to this however, and instead opened the door, biting down on his tongue once he saw seungkwan. he shut the door, running to the older boy, “what’s happening, boo?” he questioned, sitting next to seungkwan.

“i told you not to come in, hansol.” he frowned, curling into himself. “and i heard you crying, so of course i was going to come in.” hansol rolled his eyes, looking the other up and down. “what happened, boo?” he questioned once more, he cared a lot about the elder and just wanted him to be happy. 

seungkwan shook his head, he was embarrassed, he didn’t want any of the members to see him. it only made it ten times worse that it was hansol, the member everyone knew he’d been pining for since predebut times. since debut they’d publicly drifted apart, according to seungcheol they gave each other longing looks and held hands too often, and it was safer to stay apart. of course that didn’t stop the two from acting as close as they were, but they were less physically dependent on each other in public. he’d rather die than have hansol continue to see him like this, “just leave. please.” he spoke, voice quiet and rough. 

hansol shook his head, inching closer to take seungkwan’s hand in his, “seungkwan, i’m not leaving you. not when you’re like this.” he sighed, tugging at the elder’s hand. “but i want you to leave me alone.” he replied, his voice cracking as he spoke. he pulled his hand away from hansol’s, he just wanted hansol to leave him alone. he felt so weak and stupid, he just wanted these feelings to go away and to stop feeling like this.

“i’m not doing that, boo. i need to stay with you. i don’t like seeing you upset, i don’t want to leave you.” he frowned, sitting closer to seungkwan. he had no clue why seungkwan was crying, and why he was upset. but he was upset, and was crying, so naturally he wanted to make his best friend feel better. 

“hansol, please.” he whined, his legs were pressed tightly against his chest, he refused to look at hansol. his head was rested on his knees, staring down eyes shut. he didn’t want to look at hansol, if he did that then hansol would see how terrible and upset he looked and that was the last thing he wanted to happen.

“look at me, seungkwan.” 

seungkwan shook his head, letting out a choked sob. 

hansol sat closely to the other, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to the top of seungkwan’s head. “you don’t have to talk to me, just know that i love you and i’m here for you. i don’t know what is wrong, and i can’t make it better because of that. but just know i love you more than you’ll ever know, you’re my best friend.” he spoke quietly, rubbing the other boy’s arm.

seungkwan let out a quiet sigh, looking up at the other he frowned as he saw the concerned look on hansol’s face. “do you think i’m ugly?” he questioned his best friend, sniffling as he spoke.

hansol brought his hand up to seungkwan’s cheek, “of course not, why would you even need to ask that? you’re beautiful, boo.” he shook his head, his thumbs moving to wipe his tears away. “i-i... i don’t want to tell you, you’d get upset.” he mumbled, frowning. 

hansol shook his head, “i wouldn’t, just tell me what’s going on.”

“i was reading the c-comments. on our most recent music video. they hate me, hansol. all of them were saying that they-they wanted me to leave seventeen, and they think i’m ugly.” 

hansol shook his head, pulling the other close to his chest. “you are not ugly, boo seungkwan. anything but, in all honestly. you’re just so pretty, i could never understand why someone would think you’re ugly.” he replied, a hand reaching up to play with his hair.

“you’re only saying that because you’re my member, you don’t really think that.” 

hansol shook his head, looking seungkwan in the eyes. “you’re beautiful, boo. you’ve always been pretty, but with your red hair you look even prettier. your eyes are pretty as well, and you have a cute little nose. your lips are extremely pretty too, and you have the cutest little cheeks.” he grinned, smiling as he pinched the other’s cheeks.

seungkwan couldn’t help but smile as hansol complimented him, he appreciated the other. he really did not believe that he was beautiful, but hansol’s compliments made him happy. 

"you really think that?" seungkwan smiled, a light blush coating his cheeks as a result of hansol's kind words. "i know it, kwannie." he assured the elder boy, giving his cheek another cute pinch. 

"thank you, hansol. you're beautiful too, of course." he laughed, pinching hansol's cheek in return. he never understood how the other could always cheer him up so easily and make him feel safe. it made him feel kinda pathetic for being this way, but he wouldn't question it. he liked hansol and liked how they were together, he didn't want to ruin that by making them awkward with each other.

“i know that - nowadays i’m not as touchy with you and we’re just generally not as touchy. but i still love you a lot, seungkwan. you’re a good person, i never won’t think you’re amazing and beautiful. i think you’re so perfect, kwannie. you never fail to amaze me with how beautiful you are, and how talented you are. you’re such an amazing vocalist, but you’re an amazing person as well. i’m amazed by you, boo seungkwan.”

hansol’s words touched seungkwan, his tears no longer falling rapidly as they were prior. he let out a small sniffle, he didn’t understand why hansol was so nice to him. he didn’t know what he’d done to deserve a best friend like him. he gave the other a small smile, flopping himself down on the bed. “i’m tired now, hansollie.” he whined, looking up at the other.

hansol smiled in response, lying down next to the other. “if you ever feel like this again, and you feel like you’re ugly. just come talk to me, okay? i know you’re not, and i want you to know you’re not.” 

seungkwan nodded, “i was only crying so much because…” his voice trailed off, looking down at his hands. “i tried to call my mum, but she didn’t pick up. so that made me even worse.” he frowned, cringing at his own words. he felt like a child, he was embarrassed by his own words. hansol let out a soft laugh, “you’re so sweet seungkwan, i’ve never met someone who loves their mum as much as you do. it’s endearing, don’t look so embarrassed with yourself, you’re adorable.” he grinned.

he let out an embarrassed noise, shaking his head. “i’m not adorable, you’re the adorable one!” he replied, “you’re the younger one anyway! if anyone’s adorable it’s you.”

“you might be older than me, seungkwan, but you’re still cuter.”

seungkwan shook his head in protest, he didn’t agree with hansol in the slightest. “you’re so pretty, someone like you wouldn’t ever have these problems. everyone love you.”

hansol shook his head, “i’ve been bullied all my life, boo. not everyone is accepting of me, i’m a halfer after all. some of the things people say about me is horrid, that’s why i don’t look at the negativity for reassurance. whenever i felt down on myself i went to seungcheol hyung or mingyu hyung for reassurance.”

“why didn’t you come to me?” seungkwan questioned, pouting at the boy.

“i thought it was obvious why i didn’t.” he laughed lightly, looking at seungkwan who simply shook his head in response. “i was in love with you, i didn’t want you to see that bad sides of me. i wanted you to see me as the hansol who was confident and talented, i didn’t want to seem weak.” he openly admitted as if it were nothing. seungkwan laughed, “it’s funny that right now i’m in that exact position.” he shook his head without much thought as to what he was saying.

hansol’s eyes grew wide as he looked away from the older boy, “you’re in love with me?” he questioned, staring up at the ceiling. seungkwan let out a soft sigh, “i thought everyone in seventeen knew this by now.” he nervously laughed.

hansol shook his head, “i didn’t know. not properly, i never would’ve thought you liked me, if i’m being honest. but it’s nice to know my love is returned.” he grinned, looking at seungkwan. “i’m in love with you too, boo. why else would i be like this with you but no one else?” he laughed, pulling the other close to him.

“i find it funny that i’m older than you, but i always feel younger.” seungkwan mused, letting himself be pulled into hansol’s arms. the younger boy carded his fingers through the other’s hair, “that’s because you’re only a month older, boo. you’re barely older than me.” he laughed at the other, shaking his head at his words. “it still counts! i’ve been breathing for a month longer than you, it may not be longer but it counts!” he frowned, crossing his arms. 

hansol rolled his eyes, “why do i like you.” he commented, leaning forward to plant a kiss to the other’s forehead. seungkwan shrugged in response, “i ask myself that too.” he grinned, looking up at the other fondly.

hansol responded to the other’s worries by simply leaning in to press a gentle kiss upon the other’s lips. the older boy eagerly returning the kiss, grinning as the two parted. “be mine?” he questioned, a hand moving down to wrap around hansol’s waist. hansol noded, “i always thought it’d be me asking you out but - i really don’t mind it this way.” hansol laughed, pressing a chaste kiss to the other’s lips. 

“i’ll be yours.” 

“good.” 

hansol gave the other a lazy smile, “good.” he repeated, sealing the new relationship with a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> finally a fic that isnt junhao !! got some good ole verkwan !
> 
>  
> 
> this is the 3rd of 16 parts for my crybaby prompt series ! this one was based off of the line “all the makeup in the world, won't make you less insecure.” from sippy cup !
> 
> i hoped u enjoyed it !


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